An Unconventional Love Letter {Real Talk Tuesday}

by Jennifer Upton

by Jennifer Upton

If kindness is currency for the heart, then love letters are gold for the soul.  In this week’s Real Talk Tuesday Link Up our theme is #LoveLetters.  My love letter is a bit unconventional, however, it is a letter of hope, of restoration, of truth, of healing, and of love for the here and now.

“If i like a moment, i don’t like to have the distraction, so i stay in it” 

dear heart,

in mending the soul, we learn to face the truth about our abuse.  it is hard.  life sucks.  brokenness.  pain, violence, and not having a voice all suck.  just being real here, but when you’ve suffered abuse of any kind, that last thing you naturally want to do is face the dissonance of truth.  even if that truth will set you free. there is a chord within that finds the entire process counter intuitive.

so i watched a film the other day, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.  it’s a fabulous film, and if you haven’t seen it, watch you.  it is a poignant movie with secret messages.  but today, i want to talk to you about something that struck me after pondering the film and discussing it with a group of Story Sessions women.

“if i like a moment, i don’t like to have the distraction, so i stay in it” 

don’t like. 

i’m holding these words in a different thought pattern.  i’m learning to stay in the moment no matter how uncomfortable.  learning to deal with the pain rather than run from it.  learning to press in rather than flee. learning to say what i feel rather than suppress. learning that safe community builds confidence and trust.

so what happens when we don’t like a moment, because let’s just be real.  life is so not a perfect bowl of cherries or goodness or frolicking unicorns.  sometimes life slaps you hard in the faces, and you still feel the stinging ache years later.  life doesn’t care.  life has no feelings.  it is what it is and is not subject to the fleeting whims of humanity.  sometimes you even bite life in the arse and drag it to you only to have it take a chunk out of your own backside.  what then? 

do you stay in that moment letting the roll tide of  festering emotions run its course? or do you choose the distraction that numbs you or enables you avoid the hurt? 

i don’t think many of us would raise our hands in surrender, admitting we don’t do so well at living life.  i was a good run-and-hide-avoid-and-withdraw kind of gal.  dysfunctional much? it’s normal for people who suffered abuse, though some are more resilient than others. 

still, the words remain: “if i like a moment, i don’t like to have the distraction, so i stay in it” 

what would happen if we turned those words in on themselves? let them fold one upon the other in a most ungraceful crash.  say it with me now. 

if i don’t like a moment, i like to have distraction so i don’t have to stay in it. 

you feel better already having thought and spoken the words.  guess what?  that’s okay, but can i ask you a question?  i’m asking myself too.  do you really want to stay there? in the noise of distraction while pain constricts, poisons, and deadens your soul. 

by Jennifer Upton

by Jennifer Upton

honestly, i don’t. i’ve grown weary of playing at life and pretending things don’t hurt me.  i’ve had enough of resisting the negative emotions because some “church” people said you can’t trust your emotions.  i’m through living a half life.  you know why?  because when i minimize life by entertaining the distraction, i minimize the opportunities for healing, joy, fullness, wholeness, redemption, and belongs. 

i’ve simply had enough.  i want to sit in the pain, not in some cruel, sadistic manner, but in a way that allows my heart to grieve the past, the hurt, and the loss.  i want my pain to teach me, to inform me, to point me to truth.  the way out of the pain is through – not over, not under, not around but through. 

i want to ask God hard questions.  he already knows what i’m thinking.  it’s time to come clean, to tell him how i really feel, and to allow him to speak for Himself. 

i choose to trust and believe that His words will speak truth in a way that redefine the abuse, violations, and manifestation of dysfunction.  I believe His word will reframe the way i see, and this gives me hope.  it reminds me how he makes all things new and works things out for good. 

does it mean life, on-earth life, will be perfect?  no.  does it mean i’ll never be hurt again?  no.  does it mean i have to always ask hard questions just to break free?  maybe. 

this much i know is true for this right-now moment: if i don’t like a moment, i don’t like to have the distraction, so i stay in it.  i seek God, i bear to Him my soul, and I wait for his response.  i stay in healthy, safe community.  i speak.  i use my voice.  i tell the story so shame is broken. 

and you? what will you choose? 


your soul

Quote from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty 


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2 thoughts on “An Unconventional Love Letter {Real Talk Tuesday}

  1. ” the way out of the pain is through – not over, not under, not around but through. ” Yes, through, because God has promised to see us through, and like you said if we keep running to distractions we won’t get through. We’ll just keep putting it off which is not really a nice place to be. Thanks, Marvia, for your words of wisdom.

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