Sometimes in the Random

Ever catch a fleeting glimpse of yourself – the real self – like a flash of lightning?  In an instant you see a picture of what who you could be, but in that same instant it’s gone.  You grasp at it.  Futile. Those moments can be frustrating, but I’m learning if I settle into the unrest of the moment, the flash will come again.  It will stay moments longer.  The more I give myself to being in the stillness of the chaos; those flashes turn to steady-staying light, and I can focus on the forming me.  Then comes that moment.  You know the one.  It’s the AHA! moment of the soul.  The moment you realize, “this is who I really am!  Why have I been hiding?”  Some days are harder than others.  Some days are drudgery.  You make yourself push through the foggy unclear.  And some days you just have to crash your own life. I do mean literally.

Random Oddities by Marvia Davidson

What does that crashing look like for you?  Stopping, standing, sitting, crying it out, yelling in the wilderness, giving yourself a swift kick in the rear, feeling the pain, letting go of the hurt, forgiving the unforgivable, stepping out of your comfort zone, or even defying your own logic to break through to truth.

Today, I give you my thoughts on what it means to live out life sometimes in the random.  Random is such an epiphany of whimsical, senseless, space.  It is an anomaly.  On the one hand, random things can take you far off course, sidetrack or even wreck your plan; but what if we changed the way we thought about the random things.  Perhaps the interruption of the random is a way of throwing us off kilter just enough that we regain a new balance we sorely needed.  I’m just barely diving off the board here, but ponder with me the ramifications of allowing your life to just get wonky for a few minutes.  Sure, you’ll feel out of sorts, discombobulated, out of control, and just plain weird; however if you change the way you think about such events, you may find a renewed energy, zest, clarity, and the AHA! that can set you aright.

I was an English teacher several years – high school.  My students were a trip.  I was a fairly engaging teacher who chose to simply be real and be me.  It think it threw several of my students for a loop.  I can’t tell you how many times I would hear, “Ms. Davidson, you’re weird;” or “Ms., if I look up random in the dictionary, I’ll bet your picture’s there;” or “Ms., what drug are you on?”  My response nearly every time, “what you see is what you get.  Who you see is who I am wherever I go.” Some students believed it while others dismissed the of someone just “be”-ing in the presence and space of others.

And what’s so wrong with randomness?  Absolutely nothing.  I have found that to be fully myself means: I get to crack myself up.  I get to laugh at my own ridiculous jokes.  And yes, I’ll admit it – I even slap my own knee when I have a really good laugh.  I get to operate in the me-ness of me.  I get to sing a little, do-wop a little, groove a little, and tell silly stories.  Does this bother me?  Not at all, in fact, I find that the more I have simply just been me, the more productive I was.  Maybe that’s off-putting to some folks, but that’s their deal.

image

I’ve spent 20 plus years trying to be someone else, and you know what?  It’s deathly exhausting, and it’ll make you feel like you’ve lost your mind.  I have decided that I have my own permission to live my own life.  You have permission to live your life.  These are not just cheap words thrown to the masses.  They are real.  They are alive.  They mean something deeper.  It means authenticity matters.  It means I matter.  I don’t need you to validate that for me, and neither do you need someone to validate it for you. You are who you are because you have always been.  Yeah, chew on that for a while.

You have been you for far longer than you were willing to admit, discover, and operate in.  Why not change that mind set today?  What the world needs now is more of you being you and more of me being me.  Tell the rest of the naysayers to “shut-it” as politely as you can, and get on with the business of living out your life, your voice, your bent, your heart, your song, and your art.  You are God’s poetry to this world.  We don’t want to read a copy.  We don’t want a cheap imitation.  We don’t want to ramble through the faux you.  We certainly don’t want a replicated regurgitation of what you think we want you to be.  You must be you.

Go crash yourself.  Crash your own life.  Get outta your own head.  Stop throwing rocks in the way on your own path.  Step into you.  Just be.  It’s okay. You have permission to live the life you imagined.

Were it not for the words of sage women in community trudging through what it means to be and to write and to write from that being – even the pain, the laughs, the tears, the highs and lows, bitterness, ugliness, and truth of it all – these words would not have been written.

So here they are now for you – words taken from a random crash, I went with it; and this post is the fruit of the crash.  Peruse.  Reread. But more than anything else, just go be.  And if it turns out that it’s random – breathe deep and ask yourself what does this show me about me and who I’m meant to be.  You’ll find you.  And that’s okay.

Now the charge… Go!  Live by just…being!  Let that being become what you do. It was always who you were.

Share your thoughts, your story – I’d love to hear it.  Let’s connect.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Sometimes in the Random

  1. I’m in the middle of change and new and random is certainly needing to play a role in it or I will fill another’s role for me. Thank you, Marvia! I loved this.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s